Stuff that Bong aunties say that has the potential to piss the hell out of anyone…
1. Omaa, eki koto boro hoye gechish? (Holy Mother! Look how much you have grown!)
*Yes, I know its incredible! I was supposed to be on a Shrinking Potion!!
2. “Ki mishti hoyeche go! (How sweet he has become!)“, promptly followed by yanking of your cheeks.
*I am sorry I did not wash my cheeks with Hydrochloric Acid.
3. Meyeke/Chheleke shaamlao, akdom bokhe galo. (Keep an eye on your daughter/son. She/he’s going out of control.)
*Yes, I have female friends and no, they are not my girlfriends.
4. Meyer/Chheler biye dao ebar, boyesh to hole. (Get your daughter/son married. She/he is reaching a marriageable age.)
*What have I ever done to you?
5. Amaader shomoye eshob hoto na baba. (These things didn’t happen in our times.)
*Yes, I know you are a dinosaur.
6. Mathaye bhalo kore tel lagao, bhalo chul hobe. (Apply ample oil on your head, you’ll have a fine hair growth)
*Why? Just so you can make me look like a nerd?
7. Amake chinte parchho? (Recognise me?)
*I have no freaking clue but what the hell! Smile and wave…
8. Amar chhele/meye porashonaye aeto bhalo je class er miss oke khub bhalo bashe. (My son/daughter is so good in studies that the teacher is absolutely in love with him/her)
*Ah… so your progeny is teacher’s pet….
9. Accha oi naach/gaan ta korte parbe tumi? (Can you dance/ sing that song?)
*I have two left feet and sound like a frog. Go away!!
10. Just when you have stuffed your second fish cutlet into your mouth at a Bengali biye (wedding) / mukhebhaat (feast), aunty pounces on you and exclaims, “Bhalo kore khaccho to, lojja peo na akdom.” (Eat properly. Don’t feel shy.)
*Lady, they had to refill the chicken lollipop counter because of me.